'Oh I couldn't do that...'

I'm part of a family that fosters. It's tough. It's also amazing knowing that we can do something that makes such a huge difference in someone's life.

When we first started fostering, and even now when we talk to people about it, we are usually met with a typical 'Oh I couldn't do that, I'd get too attached', or 'I wouldn't be able to give them up'. This is what I want to talk about in this post. (this isn't a rant or me moaning about anyone - I just want to share something that might help people have conversations with foster carers in the future, or even if you're deciding if you want to foster but think it'll be too hard to say goodbye)

Firstly, this is how it sounds to a foster carer:
'Oh I couldn't do that, you must be made of rock and have no feelings of love towards a child in your care.'

Now, I know that people don't really mean that when they say it, and it's usually meant to say to the carer that they're doing something amazing. But it does feel like a bit of a knock down. We have feelings too. This is an emotional job. Every time we've passed a child on, there have been tears. It feels like a loss. In fact, it is a loss. But if we don't go through that because we decide we don't want to shed a few tears, these children will be left in care homes, or even with their parents, which can be really dangerous. We have to get attached to these children and show them love - it helps their brains develop so it's pretty vital!

I guess in short, what I'm trying to say is, when talking to someone who fosters, please don't say the typical 'Oh I couldn't do that because...'. Be supportive. Say that they're doing something really good and that they're really making a difference in that child's life. I know for a fact that my parents and brothers get emotional through the process of fostering, and so do I. We need support. We need to be reminded that we're doing a good thing and that the pain is worth it. All foster carers do.

Also, if you've been seriously thinking about fostering, but you're worried about getting too attached to a child, maybe that means that really you'd be good at it? It's really worth looking in to and it's so rewarding - and I speak from experience!