I wrote in my journal a few weeks ago about my body and how I feel about it. I want to share it with you and write about where I am now. So here's what I wrote:
There's so much in the media these days about being 'too fat' or 'too skinny'. As much as I don't want to, I find myself looking in the mirror sometimes wishing I looked like the 'ideal woman'. I feel far from it.
I know I'm not overweight, infact I'm closer to being underweight. It's just the way my body looks that I sometimes struggle to see as 'attractive'. I always manage to find something I see as an imperfection that makes me feel rubbish and unhappy. I know that God has made me perfectly and that it doesn't matter what other people think about me. However, I struggle to really know, understand, and live in this truth.
Something else that I struggle with at the moment is people saying 'As long as you're happy and healthy it doesn't matter what size you are or how you look'. I know this is true and people are right to be saying this. The problem I have is that I'm not healthy and I'm not always happy.
Other than being on my feet for 4-5 hours each day at work, I get no exercise. I don't eat particularly well either, but because I haven't gained any weight in a long time, I have no motivation to try to be healthier. I'm not too happy because I don't feel attractive. I feel insecure. I put a swimming costume on the other week and it made me cry.
I don't feel confident about my body. I want that to change. I don't want to change the way I look, I just want to get healthy and happy. I want to feel confident enough to wear a bikini to go swimming in. I want to know the way my body looks doesn't matter. I want to concentrate on living for God, rather than how the clothes I'm wearing make me look.
I think I know how to get to this point. I just need to get going.'
Right now, I feel okay about my body. I bought some new clothes recently - ones that make me feel good. It's helped. I think God has helped me with this as well by helping to change my mindset and the way I look at myself. When I get dressed in the mornings now, I just put on what makes me feel happy, rather than what makes me look best or what can hide my body the best. I feel confident. I feel happier. My body isn't on my mind all the time. I'm still not healthy, but I'm considering what I eat a bit more and trying not to eat that extra bit of chocolate or that extra few chicken nuggets... I know I have a long way to go until I'm actually healthy, but hopefully I'll get there and I'll feel even better about myself.
For anyone who is struggling with their body image right now, just know that it does get better. The days you spend crying over how you look will end. You're beautiful. Understand that. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're beautiful the way you are. Try to get healthier if you're not already. Maybe do a bit more exercise - it really will make you feel good about yourself. Maybe go out and buy some clothes that make you feel reeeeeally good. It's hard when you feel like rubbish, but if you put your mind to it, things will get better.
For anyone who is struggling with their body image right now, just know that it does get better. The days you spend crying over how you look will end. You're beautiful. Understand that. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're beautiful the way you are. Try to get healthier if you're not already. Maybe do a bit more exercise - it really will make you feel good about yourself. Maybe go out and buy some clothes that make you feel reeeeeally good. It's hard when you feel like rubbish, but if you put your mind to it, things will get better.
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